Why Does the Church Say I Can’t Have Sex Before Marriage?

The Catholic Church is always put down about the rule that says “no” to sex before marriage. But no one seems to turn it around and look at what they’re saying yes to. By saying “no” to sex before marriage, one implicitly says “yes” to God’s love and His creation.

Most teenagers HATE this about the Catholic Church. How do I know this? Because I used to be one of them. As I dated boys throughout my teen years, I never thought twice about saving my body for my future husband. It seemed like a silly idea and definitely something that nobody my age was doing. So why was I going to hold back? I wanted to “live my life” to the fullest and have no limitations. Which was exactly what I did.

The real term us Catholics use for "saving yourself for marriage" is chastity, so that’s what I’ll refer to it as in this blog. Chastity has many different meanings that we can get into, but I want to focus on the physical and sexual aspects of it. Other parts of chastity include how we dress, what we watch, what we listen to, how we speak, how we think, and even the way we express ourselves through body language. But let’s save that for another day.

So why does the Church want us to save our bodies for marriage? What’s the real meaning behind it? Do they want to just prohibit all the fun? Do they want to keep me from exploring during my young years? What’s this all about?

Let’s back things up for a second. When God created man, what was one thing He intended for us? Procreation. Without it, none of us would be here today. We all know that sex is a good thing that God created because it brings new life into the world. The world just uses this gift from God in the wrong way. When you don’t use God’s gift as He intended, it can lead to a number of horrific consequences. One of those, of course, is abortion. Why do most abortions happen? It’s because two people outside of marriage have sexual intercourse and then conceive a child “by accident” that they are not ready to raise. So the simple solution for them is to just do away with the child. They think, “It’s legal and easy, so let’s do it and our problems will go away.” In the past 30 years, the United States has conducted over 45 million abortions. Babies are constantly being murdered because two people do not want to abide by our Father and Creator. The Creator that made things the way they are for a reason.

But, if you haven’t “accidentally” gotten pregnant or you haven’t “gone all the way”, then let’s talk about another aspect of chastity. When you freely give yourself to someone who is a boyfriend/girlfriend, someone you went on a few dates with, or someone you took home from the bar, there are some serious emotional consequences that will come with it. You might say, “well I want to explore and see what I like.”

When the main focus of your relationships becomes sexual activity, you need to check up on your priorities. What is the point of dating anyway? It’s so we can explore the personalities and traits of other people and see if we click. We take the time of that relationship to get to know them as a person. Why are we so open to sexual relationships with people if we don’t know what our future looks like? It may be insecurity. It may be that feeling of loneliness. It might make you feel loved temporarily. You may even be trying to fill a void and feel like something is missing in your life. There’s a saying that states “Girls give sex to get love, and guys give love to get sex.” This isn’t true in every case, but most of the time, we are in relationships for the wrong reasons.

God created sex for marriage alone, so when we give ourselves to someone who isn’t going to be our husband or wife, we create what is called a “soul bond”. This attaches us to the person and can trick us in many ways. Sex can confuse a relationship because you can become fixated on using that other person for your own pleasure and lust. People might argue, “Well, I want to show that person I love them.” I am not claiming that you don’t love that person. You may very well be in love and that person may very well be your spouse one day, but you don’t know for sure. What I am suggesting is that there are 1 million other ways you can show someone you love them without using your body. There are thoughtful things you can do for the other person in a relationship. Examples of this are listening to one another, being there for them, doing random acts of kindness, going out of your way for them, or spending time with them. These acts will vary per relationship, but I’m sure you can be creative enough to find some ways. If your best way of showing your love to the other person involves your own pleasure of sex or sexual activity, then you clearly don’t understand sacrifice.

I have been overly attached to ex-boyfriends because of the activities that took course throughout the relationships. I believe this was a big thing that made the relationships fall apart, aside from other issues. We didn’t give ourselves that time or space to really get to know each other in a non-physical way. It slowly became something that began to consume both of our minds every time we were together. This was unhealthy and caused so much emotional damage when it ended. Seeing these guys with other girls shortly after our relationships made me sick to my stomach. I would think “All those things he was doing with me; he is now doing with her.” I just couldn’t find peace with myself. But this is a consequence of my sin, a mortal sin in fact. In God’s eyes, this act outside of marriage is actually equivalent to killing someone. If we mess with God’s plans for us, we will have to face the consequences. It’s nothing that He can’t forgive, but the damage will still be there until time passes.

Imagine how beautiful it would be if you and your spouse on your wedding day were each other’s first? If your girlfriend or boyfriend saves themselves for marriage, doesn’t that say something about them? Doesn’t it show how much they respect themselves and you? It’s clear that they respect their own dignity and yours. That seems like your price or princess charming to me.

The Church was instituted by Christ and so we know we can trust it. God wants happiness for us more then we want it ourselves. Obviously, we know it’s not easy. But you know what is easy? Avoiding the occasion of sin. It’s all about setting. If you know there is a certain place and substance that makes you do things that lead you to this sin, then just avoid it. For example, does being under the influence of alcohol make you fall into this sin? Does being in a bedroom alone with this other person make you fall into the sin? If this is the case for you, just DON’T drink around this person, and DON’T hang out with them alone in a bedroom. It’s that simple. If you are serious about living chastity, then keep yourself away from your occasion of sin. And if you do fall, get to confession as soon as you can. God will be ready to forgive you over and over and over again.

I am very passionate about this topic because of my own personal experiences. I only realized what chastity was after abusing this gift. I had to suffer to learn my lesson. But I’m glad it happened the way it did, because now I am here today ready to fight for chastity.

Were you wondering if this is mentioned in the Bible? Well, it is. A LOT. Check out this link to read a ton of Bible verses that back this argument up. You’d be surprised how many times it is mentioned in the Old and the New Testament: https://www.openbible.info/topics/fornication